Here's a Good Reason to not Have Kids

These are called Heelys and by some small miracle they have not yet been the subject of a massive, nation wide, class action lawsuit. The idea behind Heelys, I'm assuming, is that kids don't fall enough and what they need is a virtual banana peel in the heel of each shoe to knock them on their ass whenever their not paying attention.

I encountered these roller-shoes on friday, the day after Thanksgiving, at a crowded pizzeria up the block. I watched as four or five normal looking little girls went from table to table without moving their legs. The reason, I concluded, behind their ability to float was that they were the undead. That was fine with me, so I went back to eating my pizza.

I soon realized that they were sporting roller skate wheels in the heels of their sneakers when a not-so-graceful one of the brood attempted to negotiate the steps leading outside. She didn't fall, but her shaky legs and the fact that she had to clutch the hand rail, belied any pretense of supernatural forces at work.

So, now I'm jealous. This is one hell of a toy! This picture of 25-year old fashion models posing as 15-year old normal people gives me reason to beleive that Heelys may be shooting for an older, albeit female, demographic. Why girls only? Are Heelys just inherently gay? Are they a physical manifestation the phrase "light in the loafers"? I hope not, if for no other reason than I'd like to have the option of being pushed around like a living hand truck whenever the mood strikes.