I Could Choke Someone

I think I'd like to write a one-act play about a customer service call to a crooked credit card company (redundant, I know). In it, the customer service representative will reluctantly sympathize, on a personal and moral level, with the card holder on the other end of the phone but, out of fear of loosing his/her job, will be unwilling to follow his/her conscience and break protocol.

Frontline did a show about the history of credit cards last night and, like all good editions of Frontline, it made me want to choke somebody and overthrow the government. My play, entitled "This Call May be Monitored", will span a month's worth of calls between the two main characters in which they will learn about eachother and, through the laughter and the tears, will develop a deep trauma bond.

The most disturbing part of the Credit Card Business is The Office of the Comptroller of the Currency (OCC), the federal agency that charters, regulates, and supervises all national and foreign banks in the U.S. These bloated, ineffective motherfuckers have jurisdiction that trumps all state level agencies, who have been super effective at dealing with credit card issues in the past. They use their power to basically let fruad of all sorts go unchecked. Two words--fucking lobbyies. They'll have a big role in my play.

The finale will be a hostage scene where the disillusioned customer service rep.--in India, of course--demands that the card company president, who lives in New York, get on the phone and deliver a personal apology to the beleagured customer. People love hostage scenes. I may stick some cheerleaders in there too--people love looking at cheerleaders. I had one credit card in college. I bought a VCR and a couple casses of Bud Light that, all told, ended up costing me two thousand dollars. This is not to say that I'm totally on the side of the customer. A large percent of people who go broke from credit card debt don't have a leg to stand on. They are adults who practice self deception until it's too late. But, on the other hand, there are MAJOR companies that simply want to cheat you out of money. Like this one company, Providian; oh my God...


My ideal cast would consist of comedic boy genius, Aziz Ansari, and this white guy on the couch.